Stolen Photos and The Thing I’m Finally Writing About

by

As I’m sure everyone heard by now, a lot of female celebrities had nude pictures leaked over the weekend. Leaked. Isn’t it amazing that the media uses that word instead of stolen? Because leaked makes it sound so harmless, so much less violating than something being stolen and put on the internet where anyone can view them.

I hope nobody who reads this blog helped spread them. I hope that nobody believes any of the sexist garbage that the media has been spewing either.I’ve heard a lot of ridiculous garbage from radio DJs and TV talking heads – about how unfortunate this is, but it’s a good reminder that you shouldn’t take these pictures in the first place.

Excuse me? That’s like telling someone who was robbed that it’s their fault because they shouldn’t have bought something nice. Don’t even get me started on saying that it’s only appropriate that women avoid certain activities (like taking pictures of themselves or recording anything with their sexual partners). That’d be like telling someone not to buy nice things because they might get robbed. I’d say that it’s like telling women not to wear clothes they like or go out to bars because they might be raped – but as a society, we actually do that (which yes, I am constantly disgusted by).

thinking_about_the_thingIf any of this seems like I’m taking it very personally, it’s because I am. You know the Thing that I Can’t Talk About? It’s time for me to talk about it.

Two months ago, I found out that a friend of ours had stolen something from TheBoy and I. When we were in our early 20s, we had a camcorder for the first time and recorded a tape. Yes, that kind of tape. We kept it away from the rest of our tapes, and didn’t think about it again.

Until the friend confessed to TheBoy that he had stolen the tape when he helped us move from apartment to apartment. He actually didn’t just steal the tape- he stole it, made a copy of it, and then snuck it back where we’d kept it so that we wouldn’t ever know. And because he made that copy, it’s now being used as leverage against him – and the person doing it is refusing to give it to us.

When I first found out, I cried. I screamed. I felt like I was going to throw up, because I knew that someone I knew and trusted had watched that tape and masturbated – watching us, as though we were just another clip on the internet.

No, I’m not going to say who it is. Just that it was someone very close to us, and someone that both TheBoy and I thought we could trust.

For days, I didn’t do much more than attempt to get some work done and make sure the kids were fed. I stopped running, because I didn’t want to get out of bed. I actually had a mild Crohn’s flare-up because of the stress, and TheBoy had to call into work to make sure the kids were taken care of. I had to force myself to eat (I literally had reminders in my phone).

And even still, it’s hard to want to get out there to run. It’s been hard for me to want to wear the clothes that I love, because on occasion the sundresses and skirts make me feel too exposed. I haven’t wanted to blog or work on fiction, because when it came to blogging, it felt like I was lying if I was talking about the fun we’d had over the summer. Which is a shame, because this was a great summer. It honestly was. And looking back on it, it doesn’t feel like I had the right to enjoy it – which I now realize is depression.

My reactions? That’s from knowing that at least two people (the thief and the extortionist) have viewed the tape. I don’t have to wake up and make it through the day knowing that millions of people probably saw me naked and vulnerable. That millions of strangers aren’t weighing in on my actions of having taken it in the first place.

As a victim, I am going to tell you right now what I’ve noticed about how the media is discussing this.

They aren’t calling it theft on a regular basis. They aren’t discussing this as the women being violated. They aren’t even regularly calling out the scumbags who stole the pictures and then plastered them on the internet- or the people who reposted them. Instead, the media focus is on the women, and how they were wrong to have taken the pictures in the first place and used cloud storage.

Ask yourself this: when someone is robbed, do we as a society tell them that it’s the victim’s fault because they wanted something nice? No. If someone’s involved in a car accident, do we say that it’s their fault for being in the car at the same time someone else was drunk or texting? No. Yet, in cases like this (and when a girl or woman is sexually assaulted) we regular blame the actions of the victims. We excuse it, because of course someone’s curious about a pretty woman who’s famous. Because it wouldn’t have happened if they hadn’t of taken the pictures or recorded the video in the first place. Are you kidding me?

I’m seeing a therapist, and when I explained the situation to him – and explained that the only reason the Thief knew about the tape in the first place was that TheBoy had mentioned that one existed (he didn’t even mention where it was kept). And my therapist told me that we hadn’t done anything wrong. There was no invitation for it to be stolen, copied. Or for it to be viewed and jacked off to. We did nothing to encourage those actions or to deserve them. We were two consenting adults who recorded something and kept it somewhere reasonably private. We couldn’t possibly have foreseen there was someone close to us who has no boundaries of what’s right and wrong. Or that they’d know someone so self-absorbed that they wouldn’t realize that hanging onto that tape does more emotional damage to us than it would to the thief.

If you can’t fault me, then you can’t fault these women. They simply lived their lives, and we shouldn’t judge them instead of the person/s who ignored their privacy, stole those pictures, and put them up on the internet. Instead, we can tell the media to change their dialogue.

We don’t want to hear people being shamed when they’re the victims. It’s time to start placing the blame where it belongs- on the creeps who violated someone’s privacy by stealing and sharing these, and the people who just keep twisting the knife in the wound by keeping those photos out there.

So there you have it, most of The Thing. I removed as many details as I could, because unlike others involved- I am actually aware that these things cause collateral damage, and there are other people who would be hurt, and I understand fully what it’s like to be dragged into something you have no business being part of. For now, this is all I’m going to say about it…

I’m not sharing this for your sympathy. I’m sharing this because maybe hearing my story will make you rethink how we talk about “leaked” photos and videos. Maybe it’ll help you be a little more understanding about who’s in the wrong.

It’s Race Weekend!

by

Welcome to the Disneyland Half Marathon Weekend…

Better known as one of two weekends that TheBoy and I are guaranteed to have alone this year. Right now it’s pretty early to be up when you don’t have kids around, and it’s weird to realize that if the last couple months had gone differently, I’d be in the middle of running a 10k right now.

dl 2014 10k shirtIf you’d missed an earlier post, because of The Thing I Can’t Talk About, I didn’t run for the last two months- so no 10k for me. I picked up my race packet, and let me tell you- I am a little bummed. The themes for the 5k and 10k (which are always linked, even though they’re on separate days) this year is Stitch, and the technical shirt I got is ridiculously cute. Which means the medal I would have gotten for finishing would also be ridiculously cute.

So today we’re going to enjoy ourselves. We’ll drive out to Venice for breakfast and enjoy the day and try to get to bed early- because tomorrow, TheBoy runs the Disneyland Half Marathon. And I’m sure he’s going to kick ass.

Just in case you’re wondering why I haven’t been writing more- I’ve been tweaking two posts. One about Ferguson. And another about the objectification of women. I’ve been easing into my new schedule, working nearly full time and doing the stay at home mom thing- making sure that the Kidlets get their homework done. Two full time jobs, basically.

If you’re here in Anaheim, let me know! Maybe we can meet up if you’re someone I’ve only talked to, but haven’t met yet! Wishing you all the best!

Things Found and Lost: Juice in the Box

by

I’ve had a lot I’ve wanted to write about, but not quite enough time to really get them right. So instead, I will share a story about one of the weird and frustrating things about parenting, that’s also a product review.

source: juiceinthebox.com

source: juiceinthebox.com

In the middle of the summer, zulily had a back to school sale that included these guys: Juice in the Box. It’s a reusable juice box for kids- and I immediately bought one for each kid, as well as the special ice packs they sell to fit around them. The Oldest Kidlet loves to take lemonade or fruit punch to school, but I couldn’t help but notice how much more you pay to have a convenient juice pouch or box, and there’s the trash factor. The Little Kidlet loves to drink water with his lunch, but can’t open the plastic water bottles on his own.

First, the review. They make a few claims- that they’re shatterproof, water tight, and easy to clean. While I haven’t dropped them yet, I can say that they’re pretty leakproof and they are really easy to clean. Why only pretty leakproof? When I put them together, I can make sure that the seal is tight and that the lid is down all the way. The Little Kidlet won’t always close his completely, so water dribbles into his empty lunch bag. In short, it’s only leakproof if your child closes it. But it works.

My only regret? I only bought one each. And why is that? The Oldest Kidlet didn’t start off the school year using his – I had some leftover lemonade pouches from over the summer, and we just started using it this week.

Only when I opened his lunch last night to put all his coldpacks and such away, and to clean out his plastic containers… it wasn’t there. It wasn’t in his backpack – and it wasn’t in the car. He’s going to look for it today, but I’ve already ordered the (full price) replacement. Considering how distraught he was when he realized it was gone, it’s definitely a winner with him.

He’s doing better- I told him not to blame himself if he can’t find it. It’s the first time he’s had something in three years that was a reusable drink container to bring home, so he isn’t used to it at all.

Where to get one? I’d go with the company who makes them. You can find them on Amazon and on other sites like the Grommet, but the original site’s the only one that has all the accessories (the Ice On The Box reusable ice pack and a replacement kit for the seals and straws) reliably. They retail for $11.99 per 8 oz box, they come in four colors – blue, green, orange and pink. The Ice on the Box retails for $5.99.

Another great resource- ecolunchboxes has stainless steel lunch boxes that’ll suit your kids and yourself – and they also have reusable cutlery, cool lunchbags and napkins. I have their Lunchbox Three-in-One, which was a little too tight to open for the kids – but perfect for me. (Confession, I have a fair number of bento boxes for myself and for LK, since between the two of us, we’re the ones who need to pack food when we go to parties- and it makes remembering to eat easier on me now that the kids are in school) And while I haven’t tried it yet, they just introduced a leakproof line as their answer to plastic containers.

So what’s the moral of the story? If you see something really awesome that’s a great deal for the kids, make sure you buy more than one.

Parents: What’s the record for the fastest your kids have lost something? I’m curious.

Note: This post is NOT compensated in any way whatsoever. It’s just stuff that I like that I think you might like, too.

I was going to buy almond milk, but walked out with something else instead…

by

I went to the store this week to get almond milk and left with an emotional crisis and with a jar of anti-wrinkle cream. Which sounds like a really weird niche country song for women with dairy allergies.

I guess I should explain a few more things. So, something has been going on in my life. Something big that’s affected quite a lot of my life, but it’s a Thing I Can’t Talk About. The people who are closest to me know about it, but there’s a really good reason I can’t blog openly about it. I will say, that the Kidlets are healthy and fine, it’s not related to my Crohns, and TheBoy and I are just as strong as ever – it’s just something that’s pulled up a lot of unresolved stuff from my past. So I’m going to therapy. And we haven’t really gotten into much yet (it’s only been two sessions), but it’s enough that when I leave I feel like I’ve cracked myself open and have to put myself back together before I can go back to regular life and the role of mom.

(I should take this moment to thank my in-laws, even though they don’t read this blog, who’ve both taken turns watching the kidlets so that I can go to my sessions . The Kidlets aren’t back in school yet, so I can’t make an appointment during the day.)

After the first appointment, I went to a coffee shop nearby and ordered a chai latte and a cookie. The chai was much too sweet, so this week, I thought I should run an errand instead.

This month of stress has affected me, quite a bit. I’m definitely depressed- though my therapist doesn’t see the need to put me on medication (and I’m glad about that). But it’s affected how I sleep, getting out to run, even sitting down here to write a blog or work on my novel. Sad isn’t it? The things I usually do to de-stress are the things depression doesn’t want me to tackle. (I do plan on getting out to run again – though there is zero chance of me finishing that 10k now. Because of The Thing I Can’t Talk About, I’ve lost a month of training) I’ve been drinking more caffeinated stuff to combat the fatigue, which in turn has led to my skin looking dull and those fine wrinkles you get in your 30s being more apparent. And the less said about the number of grey hairs I’m seeing in my roots, the better.

I’m not making any of this up – when I look at the selfies I posted to Instagram last month, and the very few I’ve posted this month… there’s a noticeable difference on pictures taken with the very same phone, when I’m wearing the exact same makeup, using the same skincare.

Then / Now

But back to the story. I went into Target looking for almond milk, but they were out of the unsweetened vanilla kind (and the other ones are too sweet). As I was heading to the door, I realized I was out of makeup remover wipes, and walked down the aisle and found myself staring at a bunch of anti-wrinkle creams. And after looking at myself in an overly lit mirror, I panicked at the tired and stressed face I saw and bought myself something.

In the car, I realized that this was me riding the emotional roller coaster that comes after a therapy session- and promised myself and TheBoy that I wasn’t allowed to do anything other than pick up dinner on the way home from then on.

It could have been worse. I had been eying some dresses at Target the week prior, and in the mood I was in, probably would have bought about 5. So a $20 jar of anti-wrinkle cream that I probably do need to help get my skin back to where I like it was definitely a better outcome than over $100 in dresses I don’t exactly need.

But there you have it. A sort of explanation of why this blog has been quiet. And a reassurance that I’m okay. We’re all fine here now, thank you. How are you?

Summer 2014: Getaway Weekend

by

Well, summer has been going, and I’ve been suspiciously quiet. I’ve had a lot going on, some that I can’t really get into – but there have been a lot of amazing things.

Earlier this month, we decided to do a weekend trip near where TheBoy works- which is right off the beach. We’d bought a tent and a wagon (a tent for shade, and an all-terrain wagon to haul stuff) and packed up the kids.

And it was an amazing weekend. We didn’t go watch fireworks by the marina, like we’d thought we were going to do- the kids wanted to go back to our hotel and go to the pool. Which they did! And I got a little time to myself.

We went to the beach, trying out our tent (and our new wagon) for the first time. The Little Kidlet, emboldened by his swim lessons, actually played in the surf as close to TheBoy and Oldest Kidlet as he could get without actually swimming in the ocean. And TheBoy embraced his inner kidlet and swam around with the Oldest Kidlet for a few hours. Meanwhile, I read a book and took a nap in the shade of our tent. In other words, we all had a fantastic time.

beachtrip2014

We also went to Sunny Blue, an omisubi place in Santa Monica, and I tried a couple types. I tried the Sunny Blue Curry (which is a Japanese curry with chicken) and the Miso Mushroom- both wrapped in nori. Both were good, but the curry was EXCELLENT. Now, the Little Kidlet has a lot of food allergies, but during preschool I used to make plan onigiri/omisubi for him. So we thought he might be adventurous and try a plain one.

Sunny Blue, Santa Monica

Both kids stuck their noses up at the mere thought of trying seaweed, so while we sat in traffic, TheBoy came up with THE FOOD CHALLENGE (challenge). The first kid to try seaweed – didn’t matter if it was that day or two years from now, would get a prize.

The next day the Little Kidlet announced that he wanted to try seaweed. So we went back to Sunny Blue (this time I had the curry and tried the Miso Beef), and he got a plain one with nori. And he started to eat it. No sooner than he started to try it, his very competative older brother decided that he wanted to try some, too. So he took a bite and agreed with what I’d said yesterday- that nori was basically like dry lettuce and sea water. And TheBoy agreed that they both passed the challenge since it was the same meal.

So we went to a local toy store and the Kidlets got their prizes- a couple of Minecraft figures. (Minecraft Steve and a Zombie. But that was the day we were headed home, so we drove back, vacuumed out my van, did the laundry and got back to our normal routine.

One of the perks of this trip was that on the Friday, I dropped TheBoy off at work and got to go for a run along the beach. It was a fantastic workout, and I wish it was an area I could run more often. Nothing like fresh air and a change of venue to get going.

Venice Beach

PS – Happy Birthday, Jerad. I miss you.

Misunderstood Kaiju.

by

In all the years we’ve had Thomas the Tank Engine tracks in our house, there’s been a constant: TheBoy will kick over bridges as he walks over. I’m not sure what it is, but he just can’t seem to get his foot up those last couple inches to clear it.

We groan, fix the track. But after Pacific Rim came out, the Kidlets became well versed in Kaiju. The next time that TheBoy knocked over a bridge, one of them shouted, “Kaiju!” And it became the new thing.

kaiju in sodorLast night, TheBoy knocked over a bridge after he’d every so carefully picked up stray pieces left behind by kids too tired to clean. “Kaiju!” I stuck my tongue out at him, and laughed.

He sighed, looking at the mess. “Do you ever wonder if the Kaiju were misunderstood?”

“Like maybe they just had bad depth perception or were just klutzy?”

“Yeah.” He nodded, continuing to stare at the toppled bridge.

I started to laugh, the long deep kind that usually leads to snorting. It’s something I haven’t been able to do much this week, and it felt exhilarating to do. “We didn’t mean to destroy your city, we just tripped on our way to say hi?”

“Exactly.” He walked off into the kitchen. I’ve decided that Misunderstood Kaiju is my new band name.

The #Roadto10k, tripping and falling.

by

Surprisingly, I’m not being literal. Last week, my normal running routine was disrupted, and so I ran on a treadmill (it’s why I didn’t post any pictures or runtimes).

I hate running on treadmills. There’s the slight incline, so your pace is always worse than usual. And then it’s boring. It doesn’t matter what you’re watching, the route’s just straight. No turns or curves. Just straight ahead, and constantly thinking about whether or not the speed is where you need it.

Sunday, I didn’t go on my big run. It was just the kids and I, and nobody to watch them in the morning when it wasn’t 80+ degrees. Monday, I meant to go on a run, but there were extenuating circumstances that I can only vague blog about. (Not all things that happen around me are my story to tell) Yesterday I was too tired to drag myself from bed.

So, today. I went for a shorter run than usual, and ached. Not the usual pull of muscles when you haven’t run for a bit – but my breasts. I know I’m delving into TMI territory here, but… PMS. My breasts were sore, and I wore the sports bra that’s comfortable and usually allows a little bounce. But that was too much bounce, and I had to walk. Which led to me breaking down in tears because I felt like I was failing… which while I might have felt that way – I blame PMS for the tears.

I’m being honest about my stumbles. And finding things to be proud of. I got up early, and I went out even though I had a migraine last night. Even though I was already achey. Sometimes just getting out is the win.

One thing’s for sure, tomorrow I’m wearing the sports bra that is so tight I have to be peeled out of it.

Anyone else training for something? I’d love to hear about how you handle the rough days.

Little Kidlet and the Case of Shyness

by

The Oldest Kidlet is outgoing. Plunk him in a new situation and he’ll make the most of it, and probably come out of it with a friend for life. The Little Kidlet, on the other hand is shy.

He just takes a long time to warm up to people.

This summer, we’re doing our library’s reading club. The kids read books, report on them and get prizes. It’s Oldest Kidlet’s third year, so it’s old hat for him- but it’s the Little Kidlet’s first year doing the bigger kids’ reading group (the little kids have a reading log). And LK was unbearably shy when we went to sign up, though the very cool librarian (who wore Deathly Hallows earrings!) got him to relax.

We went Friday to report on books, and Oldest Kidlet went off with a librarian to talk about his two books on space shuttles. Little Kidlet got one of the teen volunteers, and started to immediately shut down. The girl asked his name, and came back with a smile. “You wanna tell me about the book?”

So he started to flip through, telling her everything with the painfully adorable lisp he has at the moment. And you could just see her melt, and then she started giggling at how earnestly he was in telling her exactly what the books were about- and taking lots of time to tell her how silly things were. He wasn’t flirting- he’s still very much in the “I don’t know what I think about girls” phase. He’s just apparently fond of telling stories if his brother isn’t around to tell them for him.

After he was finished, we found his brother (who, despite being taken first, took much longer to talk about his books- not a surprise) and picked out a couple new books for each of them. Little Kidlet picked a book about a train we hadn’t read before, and I grabbed a book that seemed like it had an entertaining title. The Oldest Kidlet, who has graduated out of the picture book section, wandered through until we found the section with books about the Titanic. He took one, picked out a non-fiction book about trains… and we called it a day.

For those of you who know shy kids, what’s the magic thing that brings them out of their shells? Books, games?

#Roadto10k, the beginning

by

If you follow me on Instagram… or any social media account, now that I think about it, you probably have seen some pictures tracking my runs- all tagged with #roadto10k.

roadto10k_20140605roadto10k_20140609roadto10k_20140612roadto10k_20140615

This August, I’m running the Disneyland 10k, as part of RunDisney’s Disneyland Half-Marathon Weekend. It is by far the longest run I’ll ever have attempted (and will probably attempt), and I chose it in order to really get myself out the door.

So I set up a training regimen designed to get me running about 5.5 miles by the race (knowing what I know now- I can probably finish the rest of it on adrenaline alone). I started running a mile, with 3-4 runs a week depending on how hectic my schedule is. Each week, I’m increasing the distance by .25 miles. (Though once I start to feel comfortable with it again, I might up it by a half mile each week)

(more…)

What you don’t expect.

by

Sorry I’ve been a bit quiet. The Kidlets’ school year ended shortly after Memorial Day, and I’ve been trying to figure out how to make summer vacation work with my work from home job.

It hasn’t exactly been easy. The first couple days were fantastic- the Kidlets made sure that I had a solid 4 hours of work in the morning and then we’d run errands and do stuff in the afternoon. But the Little Kidlet? Well, he’s decided to spend his days like this:

littlekidlet_onthenook

(more…)