Struggling to find words.

by , under jerad, personal

There are so many things I wish I could talk about. We’ve had some big changes in our life, and I’m still waiting for some time to pass before I can talk about them. (Before anyone leaps to conclusions, no, I’m not pregnant)

However, in the rest of my life I am struggling to find words. I sit down to write blog posts about mundane things, and suddenly the words disappear as though one of my kids is stealthily hitting the delete button.

Don’t even get me started on my creative writing. I haven’t been able to get much of anything written, though I’ve tried.

Everywhere I’ve turned in the last week, there’s been Jerad. Or at least enough reminders of him that it’s jarred me from my routine. Between the Discovery launch and even Charlie Sheen’s bizarre string of interviews- there have been so many things that I would have wanted to talk to him about or things that I knew he would have been geeking out along with me. For some reason I thought that the dead were supposed to be the ones with unresolved business, not the people they left behind.

It’s almost laughable. I’m crippled by his memory, and he was my biggest champion when it came to my creative work.