Posted in personal
August 22, 2011

An apology.

I have been out of sorts for the last few weeks. I’ve been a little overwhelmed by Back to School stuff, and a lot of personal stuff.

I miss Jerad, and since his birthday, I’ve beating myself up for still feeling like I’ve been betrayed by him. The lonelier I feel, the worse I feel about being mad at him. Weird, I know. Since I can’t remember if I’ve written about why I was upset, it’s because there was a lot he seemed ashamed to tell me. Both about the fact that he was drinking again, and that he was hiding how sick he was- because between the two, if he’d told me… I might have been a little peeved, but I would have moved heaven and earth to make sure he got to the doctor. Plus, having finished the previous seasons of this incarnation of Doctor Who, I just keep being faced with a lot of conversations that we should have had. Man, death sucks.

The blah and self-loathing put a stop to nearly all my creative work, and for that I’m sorry. I’m getting back to my projects tonight- getting a sketch of a tattoo to a friend, and workup for my novel. Tomorrow I will blog about the last couple weeks. Not the self-loathing part, but the wonderful things that did happen.