Why I fight.

by , under Pirate, politics

I tried searching my archives, but I’m not sure if I ever did write this post.

Every so often, someone that doesn’t know me very well will ask me why I fight for marriage equality. That for some reason in their lazy minds, that because I have my husband and 2 boys, that I can just walk away. Or someone else will call me an ally. Both groups of people drive me insane.

I look at my life and I see what I have now, and a path that I could have taken.

I’m bi (and I know I’ve admitted that here). I’ve never just been attracted to men- or predominantly one gender. It just happened that the person I fell madly in love with was a man.

We got married, and I legally could change my name for free. Free if you don’t take into account the new marriage certificates or the time put in changing it all. I also got a slew of rights that came with it. My estate can now pass to him without tax penalties. If I’m sick, he’s legally allowed to make decisions on my behalf. Or have sole custody of our children if I die.

But what if I had fallen in love with a woman? We could have had a commitment ceremony, but we wouldn’t get any of the legal perks. I’d have to pay to change my name (on top of all the time put in for documents). I’d have to get a lawyer to draw up papers to let my partner make health decisions, inherit my estate- and even then, she’d have tax penalties because she isn’t my legal spouse. Children? More legal red tape. And the kicker? We’d have to keep a good lawyer just in case anyone tried to question all those documents. (And yes, I’ve read enough stories where hospitals and the government ignored those legal documents that it is a concern)

I fight because I see the road I didn’t take, and it’s not hard to see that there’s nothing equal about it. And it’s just wrong. Why should the gender of the person you love drastically alter your future that much when it comes to consensual committed love?

(It has been suggested that bi probably isn’t the best label for me, but they’re all just labels aren’t they? I’m not a big fan of them)