Earlier this week, as we walked from our car to the elementary school, the Oldest Kidlet asked me something interesting. And no, it had nothing to do with the Titanic.
He asked what my life would be like if TheBoy and I hadn’t had them (the Kidlets). And I know that was never an option. We wanted children too much.
The moment after, I thought about what life was like before them. Having the freedom to walk around naked. Getting to sleep in on the weekend. Staying up all night playing video games. Impromptu trips to Las Vegas. Midnight showings of movies. Being able to make dates without checking with anyone first.
It was a fun life, and I’m sure that in whatever parallel universe exists where TheBoy and I decided not to have kids, we’re probably traveling around the world and eating up a storm. Good for AU!us. It’s just not the life I want, or ever wanted, really.
Even with the sleepless nights, the midnight trips to the ER (because kids rarely get violently ill at convenient hours), the broken arm, learning to travel with an epi-pen and constant paranoia about whether or not something’s made with allergens, realizing I’ll seldom have control of my television, and the endless discussions about the Titanic* – I would never give any of that up just for a few more hours of sleep or traveling the world whenever I feel like it.
So I squeezed his hand, grateful that at age 8 he still wants to hold my hand, and smiled. “I have no idea, kiddo. It’s hard to think of any life without you two.”
He squeezed my hand in return, and smiled a dazzling smile that looks so much like his father’s.
Then he paused, and looked up at me again. “So, Mommy. Do you think that if the Titanic’s hull had been made out of-” And it was back to life as usual.
*He has been in a Titanic phase for the last three months. I am not kidding when I say that at least 75% of his conversations are about the Titanic or some other cruise ship, but mostly the Titanic. He has built about 30 different versions of it using LEGO, DUPLO and even cardboard boxes. And the sneaky kid keeps sneaking onto my Netflix profile to watch documentaries about the Titanic.