Geek. Pirate. Mom

The Life and Times of Whitney Drake

Posts tagged 'tales from the car'

In the Car: Pastafarians and Bacon.

I’m sure most everyone can agree that the most interesting conversations between parents and kids (since even if you don’t have kids, you were one once) happen in cars. There’s something about a confined space that seems to bring out the odd conversations.

The Oldest Kidlet’s school has a yearly Winter Program, where they kids since a bunch of non-religious Christmas songs. You know, the ones that mention Christmas, but not God. So a lot of songs about Santa or snow. This year, one of the songs his class is singing is “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas.” The former Jungle Cruise Skipper in me has issues with the song… but he’s having fun learning it.

One of the lines in the song is about hippos being vegetarians, so we were discussing what vegetarians eat, which led to me mentioning that my mom is pescetarian, a vegetarian who eats fish occasionally.

“That sounds silly. Almost like you’re saying Pastatarian.”

“I believe they go by pastafarian, but that’s supposed to sound silly.”

“What’s a pastafarian?”

“That’s a conversation for another day.”

“Oh. Where does bacon come from?”


A horrified gasp came from the back seat. “DID YOU SAY KIDS?”

“No! Pigs.” I oinked a few times for good measure.

“That’s a relief. For a second I thought you’d been feeding me people. And you wouldn’t do that.”

“Definitely wouldn’t.”


And then we laughed all the way to his class, and he said that next time he’ll listen a little more closely. Be glad that I ignored more of my Jungle Cruise programming. Because what I wanted to say was, “Of course not. Everyone knows that kids are much too stringy for bacon.”

Which… wouldn’t have helped. But I knew you lot would appreciate it.

The Things Kids Say, Car Edition

If you follow me on Twitter (@whitneyd), I frequently share the bizarre things my kids say, from fights over who summer belongs to (it’s YOU, as any Phineas & Ferb fan knows) to not being able to say Olympics.

But as most parents know, the weirdest things come up in the car. Wonderful, but definitely weird.

Today as we were running errands, the Oldest Kidlet asked if I had any Love Händel song on my iPod. I had to explain that they weren’t a real band, just a band in Phineas & Ferb. “Oh,” he said sadly. “I wish they were a real band.”

Later, on the way home from preschool, the Little Kidlet had started to shout that there was a HOT WHEEL behind us (It was a Charger with a racing stripe). “Hot Wheels are toys,” his big brother explained. “That is just a car.”

“ITISAHOTWHEEL,” shouted Hulk!Little Kidlet.

I sighed. “Why don’t you two make the Hot Wheel car behind us into a game?”

The boys were struggling to come up with one, so as it turned off the road behind us, I said, “Phew! We lost it!”

And from then on, every car behind us was after us, and they came up with odd Speed Racer-type gadgets and tricks to get away from them.

Today was a good day. Usually there’s a lot more whining about someone touching someone who doesn’t want to be touched, or screaming because they don’t want to play the same days.

What do you want to be?

The Little Kidlet is a boy of few words. He didn’t say much at all until about 8 months ago- just a few words at a time (though I wasn’t worried- he knew a lot of words). Nowadays you can’t get him to stop talking when he’s excited. But if he isn’t in the mood, he’ll boil everything down to one word. Which doesn’t always work.

This morning, as we were getting in the car to go to school, the Oldest Kidlet was excited. “When I grow up, I’m going to be a doctor.” He leaned over towards his brother. “What are you going to be when you grow up?”


The car fell quiet for a moment, as I tried to figure out how to explain to my son that you can’t be an airplane.

The Oldest Kidlet laughed kindly. “That’s not how it works. You can’t be a plane, silly.”

“NO. I want to fly planes,” the Little Kidlet said indignantly as I finished buckling him into his seat.

“Then you should have said that!” His brother said as he finished buckling himself in.

Tales from the Car

Since we’ve been on summer vacation, there haven’t been a lot of trips in the car with all of us. I’ve tried to time errands to where I only have to take one trip out a week with the boys. Not because I don’t enjoy it, but well, loud little boys in a car are even louder than usual.

In gearing up for the Oldest Kidlet to start Kindergarten (his school is trying out a “test week” to get the kids acclimated to the school), I had to finish up doctor visits so that his paperwork would be complete. And thought I’d get Little Kidlet’s paperwork and TB test done as well since he’s starting preschool.

On our way down to the pediatrician, I was in the fast lane. In the slow lane, I saw a Land Rover with two surfboards strapped to the top come into view. I thought, “I really hope those are tied down well, they don’t look-” and suddenly, the surfboards came loose. One flipped through the air, zipping across three lanes of traffic in front of my car and landed between the fast lane and the carpool lane. The other slid off the back of the Range Rover and was immediately run over by a semi. Thankfully nobody was hurt, but that was a scary moment, watching that surfboard fly through the air.

As I tried to collect myself (my heart was practically beating out of my chest), I heard this from the back seat. “Why don’t people tie stuff better to their cars? Did the surfboards break?” I said that they did. “Do they cost a lot?” (The Oldest Kidlet is just starting to learn about money and value) I said that they do. “Then why wouldn’t they make sure they were tied down really good? That’s stupid.”

On the way back, I watched as two people were racing each other through traffic. And I thought they were stupid, too.

The next day, I had a headache and needed caffeine. (I’ve had a headache this whole week, actually) How bad was this headache? My pain reliever alone wasn’t getting the job done, so I put the kids in the van and left. We were all in pajamas and sneakers- hey, we were just going through the drivethru at the coffee place. On the way home, we were stuck in traffic and I was busy rocking out to “Beat It” as I often do.

The Oldest Kidlet said, “Like from Back to the Future.” Since we were in an area where it wasn’t uncommon to see vintage cars, I thought he’d seen a neat car. “No, Mommy, the song. That’s playing when Marty goes into the Future.” That’s right, he remembered that “Beat It” was playing in the background of Cafe 80s. (He’s definitely my kid)

The next day as we were driving back down to the doctor (almost an hour drive in the car, just so the assistant could look at the Little Kidlet’s arm and confirm he didn’t have TB), the Oldest Kidlet asked if we’d get to see more surfboards on the road. I laughed, and quickly said no. “At least we’ll get to see Mr. Potatohead.” (He’s currently on the top of the Discovery Science Center) I turned my attention back to the road.

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