Posted in jerad, Mom, personal
January 14, 2011

What Might Have Been and What Is.

Today has been a mixed bag for me. I’ve been sick, and last night as I drifted off, I realized that today would have been the day that Jerad and I were supposed to go to Glen Ivy to celebrate my birthday and his half birthday. Usually we would go closer to the actual date, but because of school, he wanted to move it up a little.

In some ways I wish I’d kept my appointments- because I could sure use a massage.

I admit, I’m doing much better than most people expect of me. Which makes me feel guilty. As though I should still be wracked with sadness. All I know is that isn’t what Jerad would want for me. Granted, he’d feel bad that I’m not writing much in the way of fiction- but I think he’d be proud of the writing that I’ve done here on my blog.

Also today, the Oldest Kidlet is sick. He climbed into my bed today and said he was going to throw up. I told him he wasn’t, since he didn’t seem like he was ill. But we came down, and he threw up on the carpet. And has thrown up twice since then. I guess I was wrong.

I had just written a paragraph about how the hardest part was telling my son he couldn’t go to school- he really really loves school. No, the hardest part of the day thus far has been cleaning up vanilla flavored vomit (thank you flavored milk alternative) while the Little Kidlet pretended that he needed his shirt off (because the Oldest one threw up on his, and now the Little Guy wasn’t getting any attention).

Thank goodness my brother-in-law is here, so that he could run out to the store for some Gatorade.

At least the vomit is keeping me from dwelling on what today might have been.*

*A sentence I never thought I’d type.

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