As I mentioned yesterday, it’s been 2 years (exactly) since Jerad passed away. For those new here, Jerad was my best friend. He was the person I would talk to about everything, endlessly- usually online. He used to give nickels to special people in his lives (myself included)- and online, he went by Nickelking.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss him. I miss him terribly. I can’t even turn to the internet for some distraction either.
This week I saw someone advertising the Eleventh Doctor’s tweed coat, and I found myself swallowed up by grief. I still can’t watch “A Christmas Carol” (er, the Doctor Who Christmas special, not the Dickensian tale) without weeping through most of it.
In these two years, I’ve tried to be braver than I used to be. I’ve made new friends (and even if I haven’t met you all in person, you mean so very much to me). I’ve pushed myself, and continued this blog even when my heart hurt so much I didn’t think I could find anything to write about, not to mention on the days that I worry that nobody reads this or cares (though you all constantly remind me how wrong I am about that). I’ve kept working at the novel. I’ve given myself other outrageous goals (like next month’s 5k run). Tried things that terrified me (like representing the preschool at the private school’s Booster Club- talking to people I vaguely know is terrifying. Complete strangers are much easier).
And as cliche as it sounds, I still feel him here with me. Not as often as I used to, but I’ve found more than a few nickels in odd places when I’ve needed the support. (The first I found was at a gas station. One of the more recent was in a boot of mine)
Miss you, J.