Two years and a month ago…

Two years and a month ago, I was nearing the end of doing NaBloPoMo- which was doing a blog post a month, like Nanowrimo. That year I’d been getting cramps, spiking fevers, and occasionally vomiting. But towards the end of November, it was so bad I went to the hospital.

And after a lot of tests, and three days in the hospital, I was diagnosed with either Crohn’s or ulcerative colitis- they weren’t sure because the damage was so new.

Nearly two years ago, I had a colonoscopy, and they still weren’t sure which I had, just that I was suffering from one of them. The irony was that it was advanced enough to make my life miserable, but not enough damage had been done for them to figure out what it was.

But I was put on meds, and things have been fine.

Last Wednesday night, I felt a little out of sorts. I’d eaten a big dinner to carb load for my 5k on Friday and figured I’d just eaten a little too much. Shortly after midnight on Thursday, I woke up and began puking. I had stomach cramps and couldn’t get back to sleep. The process repeated itself all night until I’d officially emptied my stomach. So I went to the hospital.

Which is where I am right now. (Hi!)

I had a CAT scan, which verified that it’s Crohn’s, without a doubt. I didn’t get to eat anything on the first day, I’ve been on a liquid diet since then.

Obviously, I didn’t get to do my 5k race. We weren’t prepared enough, so I didn’t even get to fill out the waiver so that TheBoy could pick up my packet for me, so I didn’t even get my tshirt for this year. Oh well.

It’s been tough. I’m not going to lie. Two years ago, the hospital trip might have been marginally easier, even though I had no idea what was wrong with me. For one, TheBoy had been working nights, so I was used to sleeping alone. So being alone in a hospital bed wasn’t such a big deal. This time, I’m feeling the absence of the weight of someone in a bed next to me, the warmth of another person. Also, both of the Kidlets weren’t very attached to me. Oldest Kidlet’s always been pretty independent and not much of a cuddler. Little Kidlet was firmly attached to my mother-in-law, so both of them were fine with my stay. They just wanted me to get home, and to be better.

This time… Little Kidlet’s my Wolf Cub. He curls up with me for at least a half an hour a day, and I miss that. And I know he misses me. He isn’t much for talking on the phone, but for the last two days I’ve had 5 minute long conversations with him.

And this morning, I had to miss TheBoy’s race. It was his first race where I wasn’t at the finish line… and I’m not going to lie, I cried for a long while about that last night. (He did really well, btw! He did his 10k in 55:43- that’s with a pace of 8:58 – which is amazing. I’m so proud)

So it’s been hard. I’m doing better now- but it’s been tough at times, and I know that a big part of it has just been knowing what I’m missing out on.

I’ve had a lot of support from all of you guys (even though I haven’t been posting here, mostly using Tumblr to update since it’ll post to Twitter). And I’ve been really fortunate that my doctors are really great (my gastroenterologist swung by really late last night- it was almost 10pm, I think) and the nurses here have been so kind and fantastic. Apparently I’m an easy patient. Which honestly, I get. I can unplug my IV stand from the outlet and get myself to the bathroom, I just bug them when I’m hungry or my IV is beeping at me. So yeah, I’m easy.

And I know that for now, I have more of this in my future (and probably surgery somewhere down the line). For the most part, people have been surprised that I’ve only been here once since my initial diagnosis. I guess giant flare ups are pretty common. So I’m not entirely sure what I’m doing right- other than trying to eat fewer prepared foods, fewer fast foods, and avoiding the foods that trigger me (which is dairy, for me) and trying to get a moderate amount of exercise in.

But I also know that I’m lucky. This flare up happened the day before a weekend I’d planned to be gone. My mother-in-law already had Friday off from work, so the kids had someone to take care of them, and had already been expecting me to be gone for one reason. So it isn’t like I had the stress of scrambling to figure out who was going to do what lumped on top of it. And I’m in a room by myself, with wifi, so I’m not completely alone. I know that in addition to my family, I have you guys keeping me company, too.

Sorry for rambling. But thanks for all your good thoughts… here’s to hoping I get to graduate to something beyond clear liquids.