That isn’t a compliment. Really.

So I shared a vlog two days ago, and was excited… because I had a killer thumbnail in which the lighting was great, my makeup was great, and so was my hair. I think I might have told just about everyone who lives in this house that my makeup game was on point.

See? Nailed it.

Creeps everywhere must have agreed, because I proceeded to get comments on Tumblr and on a couple different social networks (privately, mind you) about how these guys just had to tell me how pretty I am.

Nothing about the video. Just how pretty I am. Guys went out of their way to “pay me a compliment.” So I should be grateful right?

No.

Because these aren’t actually compliments. When my friends (and core readers) watched the same video, they told me they liked how I looked. But they also made comments about the lighting of the video, my outfit, and shockingly- the points I made. Those? Those were compliments. Because it tells me they valued my creation. Even when my friends compliment my selfies, it means something because I know they like me for more than my appearance.

But when random guys ignore the content in favor of talking about my looks, it just reinforces that they have zero interest in what I have to say, just how I serve as set dressing.

Let me put this in simpler English. It isn’t a compliment when you go out of your way to tell me you think I’m pretty. It’s the digital equivalent of a guy driving past in his van or truck and telling me I have a sweet ass. Not even if you say “I just had to tell you that you’re beautiful.” All that does is tell me that you have no self control, other than knowing that sending me a dick pic is probably coming on too strong.

I’m not saying this to be rude. I’m just being honest. Now if I’d posted, “Today’s look, what do you think?” That’s an invitation to tell me. Politely.

You might tell yourself you’re trying to make my day. It’s certainly something that we’ve drilled into men. If it’s a compliment, compliments are good.

You want to make my day? Notice me as a person. Don’t just notice me as some soulless girl on the internet- with a face, eyes, lips, hair and a mouth. Oh and breasts. (Because trust me. If you compliment me on my looks and mention my mouth or my hands or even my shirt somewhere in there, I know exactly what you mean. You aren’t as subtle as you think.)

I’m sure, someone is saying that I’m awfully touchy. But here’s the thing, decades of being on the internet has taught me one thing. That the vast majority of men on the internet see a picture of a woman and don’t see her as a person. They see her as an object or a character, and act accordingly.

No really. I was 15 and had an adult man tell me that I looked like the Venus di Milo. That though you could only see my shoulders and I was clearly wearing clothes in my picture, he was sure that my skin was just as smooth, and my body that perfect.

And that was probably one of the least creepy things that has been said to me over the years.

I’m sure there’s some guy who’s really mad at me by this point. “I’m not that guy.” Right? If you’re angry at me, there’s a reason. Some guys are mad because they’re mad that men treat women like that. (I get those comments from friends when they hear about the crappy things that men send me) But they aren’t mad at me. They’re mad at other men. If you’re mad at me for being honest, it’s because I hit too close to the truth. So maybe you should think on that for a bit.

The last thing I want is for people to be less polite to each other. But it’s only polite if the intent is there, to respect the person you’re complimenting. Otherwise, it’s an invasion of privacy- and in the case of these messages, a drive by objectification.