jerad Category

December 8, 2015

Blindsided by grief. Thanks Facebook.

I’ve written a lot about grief- dealing with the sudden death of my best friend Jerad. (Technically, he was my Rejershnivit – we made up a word because it was impossible to pin down what we were to each other. Platonic soulmates is close) I have a habit in the morning. A routine, to be precise. I go through my email to delete the junk and flag important things to look at. Then I open my Facebook app to see what I’ve posted in years past. It helps me wake up, considering I’m not a morning person. The On This…

August 3, 2015

My blog is 6 now.

I honestly don’t know how I feel about knowing that. But I was looking at early blog posts, and wham. My first blog post was August 1, 2009. The day before I’d gone to the spa with my best friend Jerad. We used to go both for my birthday in January and then his. And while we were laying out in the sun, I was griping about my lack of writing. I’d hit a wall with writing fiction and just wasn’t sure what to do. So he suggested I start a blog of my own, and the next thing I…

May 21, 2011

The End of the World?

I don’t write a lot about my faith, simply because it isn’t something that is easy to define using labels. Today is the day that Family Radio has chosen as the date of the Rapture- the date that the son of God is supposed to return to whisk away his true believers to be spared the horrors of the End of the World. They claim that the natural disasters are proof of the end times… and have spent a lot of money trying to convince people that this is it. Yes, I believe in God. I still sort of identify…

March 1, 2011

Struggling to find words.

There are so many things I wish I could talk about. We’ve had some big changes in our life, and I’m still waiting for some time to pass before I can talk about them. (Before anyone leaps to conclusions, no, I’m not pregnant) However, in the rest of my life I am struggling to find words. I sit down to write blog posts about mundane things, and suddenly the words disappear as though one of my kids is stealthily hitting the delete button. Don’t even get me started on my creative writing. I haven’t been able to get much of…

February 2, 2011

Quick thoughts on the ACA repeal attempt.

I was going to post at length about the Affordable Care Act, but I’ll just sum it up with this: Don’t repeal it. Republicans say it’s because it isn’t Constitutional, but really- they’re trying to protect insurance company and pharmaceutical profits, because insurance companies and pharmaceuticals make huge donations to campaigns. Largely so that their interests are protected. If someone says that it’s anti-American to say that a company shouldn’t be able to turn a profit, nobody’s saying that they can’t make a profit. The US is the only country in the first world tier of countries that doesn’t limit…

January 14, 2011

What Might Have Been and What Is.

Today has been a mixed bag for me. I’ve been sick, and last night as I drifted off, I realized that today would have been the day that Jerad and I were supposed to go to Glen Ivy to celebrate my birthday and his half birthday. Usually we would go closer to the actual date, but because of school, he wanted to move it up a little. In some ways I wish I’d kept my appointments- because I could sure use a massage. I admit, I’m doing much better than most people expect of me. Which makes me feel guilty.…

December 27, 2010

Not the Christmas I Expected.

Christmas was a day I was both looking forward to and dreading. Not because of family I didn’t want to spend time with, or because I dislike the holiday. I love my family, and love Christmas. But I’ve been followed by a lingering depression following Jerad’s death, and especially lately I’ve had more down moments than I was expecting. So I wasn’t sure what was going to happen. The morning began early, as one might expect. I opened my eyes to find that my oldest son was wide awake. “It’s Christmas,” he whispered. “Let’s wake up [Little Kidlet].” I always…

December 18, 2010

Vent: Watch the Drinking, okay?

With the holiday season in full swing, I’ve seen posts and tweets from people saying that they’re going to drink to get through it all. And friends talking about spending the weekend drunk, or bragging about how much they drank at a party. It makes me angry. It makes me want to shake them. I’ve never been much of a drinker anyways, but right now… alcohol is the last thing I want crossing my lips. Why? My best friend’s death was basically caused by alcohol. While obviously, this is a private matter, I’m sharing this because I think it’s important…

December 14, 2010

Grief is weird.

Yesterday was a lovely memorial for Jerad at a park at an area overlooking a lake. With the exception of everyone singing ‘Amazing Grace’ I’m sure it would have been just what he would have liked. (And about Amazing Grace, Jerad- while we were remembering you, the song was meant to help those of us who believe in God. That’s all, no disrespect intended. These things are meant for those of us left behind. To everyone else, yeah, I addressed part of my blog to him.) I saw lots of familiar faces, and wish I’d been seeing them under different…

December 9, 2010

The Elephant in the Room

I haven’t blogged since Friday. I was busy this weekend with the oldest kidlet’s birthday party, then doctor appointments and a family photo shoot… and then something happened. Something so jarring that I haven’t been able to really put the words to paper (so to speak). My best friend Jerad died. Jerad was going to come to the birthday party, but he’d decided not to come since he was sick. I got a message from his mother on Tuesday morning asking if I’d heard from him, and I called her to let her know. We were both concerned- since it…